My Top 4 tips for Reducing Stress During Infertility

While stress does not cause infertility, hormones released during stress can divert the body’s main function to survival instead of reproduction.

It is not surprising, at least to those of us currently struggling or who have struggled in the past with trying to conceive, that infertility is stressful. There is a lot of pressure by society and our own time-table for getting pregnant, plus intrusive and untrue thoughts surrounding our struggle with our bodies not doing “what they are meant to do”, and numerous appointments, tests, poking, prodding, questions, and decisions. I don’t think anyone can come through this experience without some sort of stress affecting their daily life.

How does this affect fertility? The short answer is HORMONES! When we are living most of our time in a stressed state of being, our body stops producing hormones released to aid in healthy digestion and reproduction in favor of hormones released to aid functions for survival. It’s probably obvious, but we want the opposite to happen, we want to promote healthy reproduction. (For more information about how these hormones affect fertility, check out my other blog post that goes into more detail, Stress as a Part of Infertility.) This means we want to focus on a stress-less (not stress-free, because, honestly, is that even possible?) fertility experience. Below are some of my best tips for achieving less stress at any stage of your fertility experience.

Tip #1

Find your support system!

Finding your support system is one of the most important things you can do to feel supported and have less stress. Your support system will have 3 parts, the first part is determining the people around you that you can turn to for support, the second part is what you can do to feel better during tough moments, and the third part is challenging negative thoughts about you and/or your fertility. When you feel understood and supported, you will have a better fertility experience. Find your support system by taking the following quick and easy steps:

1 . Determine the people you can turn to during tough moments so that you are not alone. This could be a parent, a supportive friend, a funny co-worker, a dependable sibling, or anyone that helps you “breathe” again. Ideally, you will identify one or more people who lift you up when you are feeling down and can reach out to for extra support.

2. Discover the things you like to do that bring you comfort. This could be enjoying your favorite drink while getting some fresh air in the backyard (or wherever you like), relaxing in a warm bath, reading a good book, watching your favorite movie, or having a good cry (it’s so okay to cry). These are the things you might forget to do when you are feeling down but will help comfort you when needed.

3. Identify any untrue thoughts creating anxiety and stress surrounding your fertility experience so far. This might look like, “I’m not meant to be a mom”, “this is all my fault”, or “I’m not a real woman”. Before we move on, I need you to know these are all false and untrue even if you feel them in every fiber of your being. Your struggle is making you feel this way but NONE OF THOSE THOUGHTS ARE TRUE or helpful when struggling with infertility. Then switch them to true statements that encourage a positive experience like “I am meant to be a mom, I just don’t have my baby yet”, “I am doing everything I can to have my baby, it is not my fault”, or “I am an amazing woman. My reproductive struggles do not change that”.

4. Write down what you discovered in steps 1, 2 & 3 and put it in a place you will see it often (your bathroom mirror, laptop, draw at work, refrigerator). Make sure you USE IT! It is easy to forget the tools that support us during tough moments when we are overwhelmed. If we remember to use them in tough moments, we will have a better experience and less stress in our lives.

Make sure to grab my free Fertility Care Cards to help run you through this process.

Tip #2

Make Time for Mindfulness!

Mindfulness is paying attention to something on purpose. We tend to rush around in our daily lives, which only gets more intense when we add fertility treatments and trying to conceive to the mix. There are many things our minds worry about and usually all at the same time, such as, “did I ovulate this month?”, “what if it didn’t work?”, “did we do it right?”. These thoughts can be overwhelming and harmful to our stress levels. Taking time to focus on one thing that is happening right now can help diminish the overwhelming thoughts. Here are two simple ways to add mindfulness to your day. You can do both if you would like, but I recommend starting out by picking the one that feels the best for you:

1. Once a day, take the time to focus on one thing you are doing in that moment. You get to choose what it will be, something like washing dishes, gardening, taking a bath, or running errands to name just a few. You can find mindfulness in just about anything if you simply pay attention to it. The trick is keeping your mind focused on the thing you are doing and if your mind wanders, gently bring it back. Pay attention to how it feels to be doing it, what you hear and see around you, and just be present in that moment. It will bring you a sense of peace, free from the usual worry and pressures of trying to conceive.
2. Once a day, find a quiet, relaxing place to practice the flashlight visualization. This visualization is a good way to help you focus on one thought at a time when the worries become too overwhelming. First, you can close your eyes or keep them open but focus on one simple thought. Just pick one, it’s that easy. Ideally, something positive that makes you feel good. Now, think of your mind as the light from a flashlight shining directly on it. A lot of times, our minds are trying to shine this light from a flashlight on all of our thoughts at once, but that is too overwhelming and stressful. Your task is to keep it shining on the one thought you just chose a moment ago. If you find your mind wandering to other thoughts, it’s okay. Mindfulness takes practice, like a muscle it will get stronger over time. Just simply guide your mind back to the thought you chose to focus upon as many times as needed. Eventually, after practicing this visualization a few times, the need to refocus will become less and less.

Tip #3

Practice Deep Breathing!

I know, I know, who has time for this?! I promise breathing exercises do not take a lot of time to do and pay off in the end. Practicing deep breathing brings oxygen and nutrients to essential parts of the body and encourages a calm mind and body. We are accustomed to taking short, quick breaths as we go about our busy day, especially when we are stressed. Becoming conscious of our breath is a great way to invite the calm we need for less stress. Try this beginner’s deep breathing technique once a day or as needed, meaning when you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed:

This is called nurturing breath and is one of the easiest deep breathing exercises. The first step, if it feels right for you, is to place your hands on your abdomen and focus on the sound of your breathing. Let your breath become quiet and soft, paying attention to your breath as your abdomen rises and falls. Relax all of your muscles from the top of your head, all the way down to your toes. Once you are relaxed, take a long, deep breath in through your nose, filling your lower abdomen and feeling how your hands rise with your breath. Then, exhale a long, relaxing breath out through your mouth, noticing how your hands fall with your abdomen as you breathe out. Do this at least 3 more times, noticing how you feel as you sink into the support below you. If it feels right, let out a comforting *sigh* a few times as you exhale, releasing any stress and tension left in the mind and body.

The cool thing about breathing exercises is that you can add new breaths, visualizations, or even meditations as you become more practiced. You can tailor it toward your needs and take deep breaths pretty much anywhere, anytime as you feel comfortable.

Disclaimer about meditations – I know meditations are not for everyone, but if they feel right for you, they can be quite beneficial for quieting the mind and promoting calm throughout the body, especially fertility specific meditations. I will link free fertility meditations once I get them uploaded to YouTube.

Tip #4

Add an Affirmation to Your Daily Routine!

If you are looking for something quick and simple but still promotes less stress, maybe a simple affirmation is your style. An affirmation is a positive or encouraging statement that feels true to you. It is way too easy when struggling with infertility for our minds to go to hurtful places. Affirmations can help you maintain a positive perspective by keeping your mind focused on true and empowering statements. You can repeat them when you wake up in the morning to set the tone for your day, before your next fertility appointment, or in the mirror before you take your next shower. Really, you can repeat them anywhere, out loud or in your mind. You can come up with your own or use some of the following affirmations:

1. “My value and self-worth is not dependent upon my fertility.”
2. “I am strong and capable of handling anything on my fertility journey.”
3. “Life is hard right now but it won’t always be this way.”
4. “I am doing the best I can and that is enough.”
5. “I cannot control the inner workings of my body. Infertility is not my fault.”

While there are many things you can do to decrease stress while struggling with infertility, those were my top 4 tips. I hope you found something that feels right for you and can begin working toward a less stressed mind and body. Finding a way to spend as much time engaging your relaxation response will help you have the best possible fertility experience.

All of the tips in this blog (and way more) are things we can do together if you would like a little extra hands-on help. Check out my website to get to know me better and reach out if you would like to work together. You do not have to go through this alone!

DISCLAIMER: Infertility can cause a lot of pain and struggle. Please only do the tips that feel right to you. You can stop at any time if it becomes too emotional/overwhelming. We want to find calm and peace when doing these exercises and if they end up stressing you out then it will not work.